But I messed up this last Friday. I'm not as strong as I thought I was or am. I make mistakes, I sin. I struggle with so much stuff, just like everyone else does. The really sad part is having that nudge within me telling me that Friday's plans were not a good idea and that I shouldn't go. Instead of changing the plans, instead of not going- I went thinking that I was strong enough to keep things from going that direction. I do that far too often, ignoring the voice within me and trying to rely on my own strength. When am I ever going to learn?
And you know what the worst part is? It was a great day, so much fun and things were decent... until just before the end. That's when things went downhill. And I feel so distant from God, in some ways I've been ignoring Him today and it showed. Instead of having peace I got frustrated easily and started cussing under my breath, something that I really haven't done in a long time. I spent tonight stressing and worrying, being negative and off. This whole week has been amazing and then I screwed it up. Instead of drawing closer to God I chose to turn my back on Him, to choose my selfish desires over Him.
Now, I am working through the outcome. I am so thankful that God is forgiving and that He still has a plan for me. I'm thankful that if nothing else He'll be here for me.
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