Returning to High School

Having graduated from high school some time ago, it was odd returning for one of my younger brother's graduation. Driving over to the stadium where the event is held I was struck by the conversations my family was having. I came to see how funny and cold my family is.

One of the things my best friend had brought up to me is that I tend to put people down and most of the time in an almost unnoticeable way that came off humorous. I realized that he was right. I want to build people up and it had become a horrible habit in me this tearing down others, even subtly. Even worse was the realization that my whole family partakes in this habit, and that includes me.



And sadly, it seems to be something that my family prides itself in: being funny and "better" than others. Having this open up right in front of me while we arrived at the stadium and having it continue as we made our way to sit made me want to disassociate myself from my family, something I haven't experienced before. I literally said out loud, "I'm not a Jobin!" They laughed thinking I was referring to the conversation about family resemblances. But I meant it, I didn't want to be a part of this family, this family that was mocking others, joking about their friends were incompetent in the outdoors and foolish.

This past month has made me more aware of the fact that I truly am no better than anyone else. And it's not just some cliche Christian thing I'm saying. I bring this up about my family because I am at fault. This is just as much my problem as it is theirs. And I really don't want to be like this any more.

Everyone has enough negative messages being shoved at them as it is, I should be a force against those things! I should be a source of encouragement, of truth, of love, compassion, mercy and grace. This new perspective, this new understanding about myself makes me wonder how many people have I hurt? And I know that when I do those things it really is when I feel insecure and am trying to make myself feel like I'm on equal ground. It's when I'm uncomfortable that I do that kind of junk, and it's MESSED up.

I wonder how my family would change if we just cut out tearing people down? I wonder if we would be a closer family? I wonder how this would change our relationships with others? I wonder how much this habit has effected other things in my life?

Knowing is the first step right? And then admitting it? I guess the next step is taking action. God, how I need you transform me in this area.

Tearing down anyone in even in a joking manner isn't ok, ever... for I don't know how much damage it causes and yes, that matters... a lot. We are all made in the image of God, created in His likeness, called by the Creator as "good" and who am I to say otherwise? To be even more frank, I am sorry, deeply sorry. It is time for change.