Saying the Hardest Goodbye...

Today began with such joy and excitement. My best friend and his little boy came and picked me up early this morning. But by the time noon rolled around the final chapter on our friendship was closing. No one will probably ever understand what happened, I don't even think we do. All I know is that though I didn't want this to happen, it's what is best. Am I hurt? Yes. Disappointed? Most certainly. Angry? Not really, no, no I'm not angry. Just hurt, disappointed, and very very sad about it. He said he knows we'll see each other again and probably sooner than I expect. He asked if I believed him. I said no I didn't believe him, I didn't think we'd probably ever see each other again. I don't even know if I'll ever even get to talk to him. But he's probably right, we'll probably see one another again, sometime...



Why does this matter? Because over the past year we dated off and on, we became best friends and more. We challenged, loved, and yes even hurt one another. We know God more deeply and better because of each other. We also became well acquainted with lust, something that I will regret. Lust was our downfall. God protected us and forgave us, and now separates us. And that is ok. It's ok, and yes, even good that God is separating us. A long while back I had a vision where Jesus pulled him and I out of sin and told us that if we keep heading that direction he would separate us and asked us to help each other stay close to Him so that He could bless us. And about two weeks ago, on that Friday, I remember walking through some bushes and having some thorns scratch me and I thought, "we're heading right into what the stuff He asked us to avoid again aren't we? We heading into what He had to pull us out of." I was right. While He protected us from feeling the physical affects of our actions, He is protecting us by letting us experience the other affects of our choice- being separated. Instead of discovering the blessings He had planned for us, we have to go different directions. Will we be blessed? Maybe, but not the way He originally intended for us.

Do I regret this? Yes. I have never regretted anything, but this. Who knows what God wanted to do? I'll never know. All I'll know is what plays out. There are a million "what if's" that are going through my mind right now, "what if we could have been best friends until we were old?" "What if we were supposed to team up and do something great?" "What if we were supposed to start up that business like we had dreamed of so often?" "What if...." I'll never know.

All I can say is that when he was telling me goodbye I knew it was right, that it was best for us, that I trusted him and his discernment, and that I was losing my best friend indefinitely. I've never had a best friend like him before, he's changed my life in more ways than I yet know. God I thank you for him, please bless him immensely and may we see each other one day and be friends, true pure friends. You know about two days ago I asked that God would either have our friendship grow and deepen or that He would make it clear whether or not He wanted us to be friends anymore? He answered. God answers prayer.