Waking at 5:40 am instead makes things a little rough. I push myself awake. My room is freezing- apparently my room still doesn't receive any of the house's heat. In a blink I'm wide awake as the thought hits me, today is test day. Today is my BIG state exam, the two tests that determine whether or not I will be a Certified Nurses Assistant. Part of my stomach turns with the realization. The other part is still asleep, the desire to return to my warm cozy bed is tempting, but anxiety is beginning. Pray, I have to pray. After all God is with me, I just have to turn to Him. The anxiety lessens a little with the gentle reminder that whether or not I'm prepared doesn't matter, it comes down to whatever I have is all I'm going into the test with, I can't change the past.
The State board is divided into two tests, a written test and a test of performing skills. The written section starts at 8 am, however we students are told to arrive at 7 am, hence waking up for horribly early. The skills test is set for the afternoon.
The morning is thick with fog. I hope the fog and my mind won't have anything in common. My hands feel icy and refuse to warm up no matter how much I try to get them to heat up. By now I'm divided between a sense of peace, and freaking out, I hope I don't have to do blood pressure! (Just so you know, unless you've done it numerous times, blood pressure is difficult to take correctly and I'm still new at it.) I check in easily once I arrive, having meticulously brought enough proofs of ID to get through a top security airport. I'm also one of three people (out of 15+) who actually brought a #2 pencil; apparently you still need #2 pencils out of high school, who knew?
The written test begins at exactly 8 am. 50 minutes later I close my test booklet and wait as the examine proctor picks up my test materials and excuses me. If you ever finish a test last or first there is a sense of "maybe I did it wrong because I'm the only one." Everyone elses heads are down, focused on filling out the answer boxes correctly. I pick up my bag and exit the room and feel relieved, the first test is done.
I wait. About five minutes later, or more (I was texting ok?) three other students join me in the non-testing room. We are free to leave as long as we come back two hours before our skills test is scheduled to begin. I look forward to going home, crawling back into bed and sleeping a little longer!
I get a text, "they're moving fast, better come back!" Instead of having to wait until arriving at 2 pm and taking the test at 4 pm, I have to leave right away, my test is to begin at 2! I dread this exam, what if I forget a step, or have to do something complicated and get it wrong? The "what if's" start getting stronger, so I pray. Breaking through those worries like a battering ram bursting through a gate, God reminded me, I know my stuff. I've done these skills numerous times and showed others how to do them too. I put my trust in God, that He is with me and I will be just fine.
My turn comes. Everything is a blur. I read and reread the skills I'm to do. I know how to do them, yet my confidence is unsteady. I focus and do the first skill forgetting to mentally keep track of my time as these are time based too. The second is a skill that I have had difficulties with before, I do it and hope I did it correctly. Skills three through five flew by and as I said, "done," the clock hit 2:45 pm. I had finished my skills exam in just over 15 minutes, it had seemed like a full half hour to me.
I hate how so many exams you have to wait days or sometimes even weeks before your results come back. You end up dying to know how you did, wondering what you missed, "if only I had studied longer!" is your cry and then finally the results show up and relief mixed with either sadness/anger or joy ensues. This wasn't like that. The proctor faxes off the test and minutes later the results return. Handing me my form, I searched for the word PASS or FAIL. I'm a fast reader, I enjoy reading all types of books and literature. But this was hard to read out of sheer expectation! And there at the top were that word, that word that would either point me in a career field of medical care or would point me to finding a job real quick elsewhere, probably in retail (yuck).
"Result: Pass"
Here's to trusting God, studying and making it.
No comments:
Post a Comment