Taking A Deeper Prespective

I used to design tattoos. I have a tattoo too and I love it. I have numerous friends with tattoos that are meaningful, beautiful, and little works of art. Tattoos are a way of expressing yourself. Many people get them for specific reasons or because they just like the piece. I am in fact not against tattoos, just to be clear. However, I resign from continuing to design them. Let me explain.

Results: Did I Make It?

Waking at 5:40 am instead makes things a little rough. I push myself awake. My room is freezing- apparently my room still doesn't receive any of the house's heat. In a blink I'm wide awake as the thought hits me, today is test day. Today is my BIG state exam, the two tests that determine whether or not I will be a Certified Nurses Assistant. Part of my stomach turns with the realization. The other part is still asleep, the desire to return to my warm cozy bed is tempting, but anxiety is beginning. Pray, I have to pray. After all God is with me, I just have to turn to Him. The anxiety lessens a little with the gentle reminder that whether or not I'm prepared doesn't matter, it comes down to whatever I have is all I'm going into the test with, I can't change the past.

Update!

It's been a while, I know! but I promise I have several illustrations/paintings to post really soon! Sorry about not keeping up with posting regularly. Things have been pretty dang busy. My truck's engine basically blew up, and no, I am NOT joking. I finished up my training class to become a Certified Nurses Assistant this last week and will be taking my state exam this Friday! (Both excited and terrified at the same time.) Also been party planning for several birthday celebrations. Did I mention preparing for Halloween?

To be honest, I'm not a fan of Halloween. Actually of ALL the holidays Halloween is my least favorite. I do not like dark, scary or evil things at all. And here in the US, Halloween seems to be all about dark scary things and watching movies that tend to focus on the evil. I don't like it. However I do like creating costumes! That is tons of fun! My best friend's little boy is a huge fan of superheros so we made him a Captain America costume. It has to be one of the coolest things I have ever sown. Actually considering how little I have sewn anything, it is the coolest thing by default. My best friend made a shield that I painted with spray paint, which is surprisingly more difficult than I expected. I created a Captain America T-Shirt and seriously contemplated making a larger one for some other people ahem...me, and lots more. The little boy LOVED it! Heck, I loved it! We are planning on making more costumes for the fella. It is just as fun for him to play in as it is for us to design and make.

I am also working on painting portraits of my family members from when they were little kids. There are five brothers and a sister-in-law plus my dad and mom. So there will be plenty of work to do for a while. I am hoping to have them finished by Christmas and make prints of them to give to everyone. Or for at least my parents. We will see.

Have a great night!

Career Advice

The most well-know successful business people all have something in common- they all are working out of their strengths. They found what they do well at and worked to do more of it. They learned how to network, delegate, problem solve, and use other people's strengths where they were personally weaker. I read a book once about this idea of building up a career based on knowing your strengths. The book even came with a code to take an online quiz that would help the reader pinpoint his or her own strengths.

Over the years I've taken several career aptitude tests, all of which recommended pursing a career in the arts or becoming a teacher. Oddly enough these past several months there have been people who have suggested that I look into becoming a Certified Nurses Assistant. As I talked to God about it and researched it, I came across a book that is a collection of writings by Mother Teresa. Ever been hit in the stomach so hard you couldn't breath for a moment? It was like that. Reading her words was similar to having light pour into my heart. God basically reached down and went, "this is what I want you to do." Being a CNA is in every way, no exaggeration, out of my comfort zone. Today was my first day of training and I'm going to be very honest, I was afraid to go.

One of the Hardest Month's Ever

This past month has been tumultuous. A college friend of mine was found about two weeks ago, shot to death at an intersection in his town. Yes, that is a true statement. It was horrible seeing the glaring words on my computer screen announcing his murder, "Young Man Found Dead In Car." Nothing prepares you for that kind of news. I broke down at work, sobbing behind closed doors. Two days later I quit. I had to, I just couldn't be there any more. I needed a mental vacation, I need to pursue something meaningful. Who knows when life will end? My friend was on his way home during his lunch break while working at a local care giving place. He never reached his wife that night... how can anyone wrap their head around such tragedy? I still can't imagine that he is actually gone.

Yesterday I also found out that my family friend and neighbor passed away on Tuesday. He has been struggling to fight against cancer. As a retired teacher, he spent some of his free time writing books and taking care of us kids when I was growing up. He and his wife always celebrated the holidays with us and teased us about our little crushes and relationships. They were and are our extended family. I saw them early this past summer, introducing them to my best friend and his little boy. I can't handle this so well. Please no one else go...

But thankfully new life is beginning too. Today my beloved friends, Loren and Charity, welcomed a little girl into this big old world of ours. I'm not one to say newborns are cute normally, but wow. This baby is truly beautiful. I smiled at the newly posted pictures of mom and child. Memories of people passing mingle with the sights of people arriving. Oh tears, are you from sadness or joy? I can't tell.

Insights From Swimming...

There is this one passage in the Bible where it states, "Because you are neither hot nor cold, but are lukewarm I will spew you from my mouth." This is talking about more than a temperature- this is about people's faith. See the church that this passage was directed to was located in between two particular cities. These two cities were well known for very specific reasons- one was known for it's natural hot springs that brought healing to the people who swam in them. The other city was known for it's fresh, clear and VERY cold water- the kind of water that invigorated people and made them alive. I've heard many pastors give sermons on this passage comparing the hot and cold to passionate faith and having no faith- basically you don't want to get spewed out because you're sitting on the fence kind of thing. I've heard people explain it in many ways, but it wasn't until my best friend and I went swimming in the Columbia River here in Washington.

A Turn of Events

I had an interview earlier this week with a company that is fairly well known here in the U.S.A. My initial reaction was, "how awesome!!!" I've been looking to leave my current position and move forward in beginning my own career. However, the woman who told me about the position and later interviewed me (while being incredibly sweet) forgot one key thing to request or even later seek out- my resume. This was the first red flag.

Revisiting Streams of Faith

One of the topics I remember from my early college days was about "Streams of Faith." Coming from a Private Liberal Arts college, this topic was particularly one-sided. The majority of my fellow students came from Christian Missionary Alliance churches (a denomination I had never heard of till college), some where Baptists, Lutherans, Calvinists, and who-knows-what-else. Everyone who identified themselves as a Christian also identified themselves as Protestant. A very small number of students identified themselves as Catholics. Now I came from a Calvary Chapel background (not really a denomination, more like a brand). I found that Protestants viewed Catholicism as being Non-Christian. Catholics were viewed as worshiping Mary and the Saints (both are not true), and actually believing the bread and wine of communion really became the blood and body of Christ (the radicals). I really want to talk about some very theologically important issues here. I'm sure that if anyone comes from one or more of these backgrounds that I'll garnish some criticism, but I'm willing to take that risk.

All Around Me

Are people pursuing their goals, ambitions, and dreams for their lives. My dear friend Caylin has this brilliant idea to make a clothing line for women, especially younger women, of modern, beautiful and yet modest dresses. She has all the resources to get going and loads of connections. Right now is all about building up her design and sewing skills and getting the details together. It was inspiring to hear about her dream for her company and see the passion she has about it. I could also pick up on the fact her obstacles seem like mountains in front of her. Those problems seemed like fairly easy fixes to me: take a sewing/clothing design course or two, practice making samples, and create a budget to save money. (Can you believe those are her only obstacles?)

Standing On The Edge

And facing the choice to pursue a career opportunity or not. You ever have the option to go down a path that is great in many ways but you just know that it isn't where you should be going? Stephanie is back from South Korea and what she shared made me think even more deeply about possibly doing a similar move. I wrote out reasons why I should or shouldn't go... but then God interrupted!

Simply Put

I can't do this. Yet I'm learning that is the point. I can't do this. But with Him all things are possible.

And while this news could ruin my day, it really can't! I know that God is going to take care of me. Yes, things maybe tight around here, but as long as He is with me things will be good.

What I Want My LIfe To Be

I won't tell you what I want my life to be without telling what has been happening. Things have changed since last week. I could say that everything has been amazing, easy and things are just "falling together." But in reality things have been challenging, but infinitely better! I didn't get my car, it won't be ready for another two weeks. Work has been hectic most of the time. Today's shift was great though!

Two Years Ago...

I was teaching swim lessons and coaching. I was working at a local sports club/gym and spent at least half of my day in the water. I was working with some of my best friends and was the summer camp director for the club and later was put in charge of the aquatics department during the last month of the gym's existence. Two years ago I was biking an average of 10+ miles to and from work and had thighs of steel (no joke, those hills were killer). I was fresh out of college and back in my hometown, the last place I wanted to be. I started wearing a two-piece bathing suit, which was a huge deal for me and I looked good!

Thing is two years ago, I was a completely different person.

The Most Lovingest Day So Far

Quick update! This last Sunday was amazing. No joke it was spectacular!  My dear, friend who has been like a big sister for me, moved to South Korea about a year ago. She has been teaching English to elementary school students there and guess what? She came home!! I was at church and the first service people were leaving and the second service people were arriving. And there in the midst of the crowd I couldn't believe my eyes, I saw her! I had moved to Cali about four months prior to her move and so it's been quite a long time since we've seen each other. We were laughing and nearly crying with joy and hugging each other! One of the best surprises ever. But that is just the beginning!

This Month's Theme: Transformation

Oh and last month's was "Love as Christ Loved." Funny how things work huh? Last month truly was about letting Christ's love pour through me so that I could love others a little more like He does. The Love Project began last month, I've been learning how to "speak" clearer the love languages of other people, and so much more. I've learned that loving some people means doing what is absolutely best for you and them, and it meant saying goodbye, for now, to one dear person in particular. My eyes are being opened up to the immensity of God's love for me. I still cannot express these things well.

Theology of the Body: Revisiting

I finally finished up Christopher West's Theology of the Body, Into the Heart, CD series. I can't help but be different. It is like when you burn your finger. Sure you get that you touched something hot, but until you examine the details that compose how the body works you just don't reach the depths and appreciate all that goes into the body's protective, healing and notification system... And it is more than having a deeper understanding and appreciation, there is something that is going on within me that I can't explain. I am changing.

Ever dream of going on a treasure hunt? This is kind of like that. My best friend asked if I wanted to listen to the Cd's, like being given a map. The more I listened and questioned and was open the more I journey to and discovered the treasures. They may not be golden coins and pearl necklaces, but it is far better. The treasure I am finding is indescribable... and beautiful. And yes, at times the journey to the treasure, maybe more of to receive the treasure, has been painful too. But more than worth it. I can't be the same person I was, that person is gone.

Career Paths

(credit?)

There are many people who go to college knowing exactly what they want to do. And then there are those lovely "undecided" students. I was "undecided" for two years and choose to get my A.A. degree in general education to buy me some time. After that things got a little more pressured. Thing is I love school, I loved being in the classroom, learning with my classmates, discussing the numerous topics, doing research papers, elaborating on ideas and expanding my horizons. I loved living on campus too. But I flourished in the scholastic dimensions, aka not a party girl. Don't misunderstand, I had a great social life, but I was focused on school.

Today Is What Day?

This week I've confused my days. And it hasn't played out so well. I missed my shift yesterday. But thankfully my manager was understanding. It was a simple mistake on my part. 

This morning was a blaze of blue. It was absolutely gorgeous! But the best part about today is that I've been with Him for more of it than most days. While working I noticed that I forgot Him as soon as I allowed myself to become frustrated and when I started to talk badly about others. From there it was going downhill. I'm sorry. I failed. Thank you God for forgiving me and drawing me near again. Thank you for your presence and without you I can only fail. Lord I need you. The day is still not yet finished. May it end as beautifully as it began, with you!

The Love Project: Choices and Their Outcomes

Remember how I mentioned there are two people at work with whom I don't exactly "click" with? This morning I had the opportunity to work with one of them. And you know what? It was great! I was getting a little frustrated with my assigned tasks and she was not only quick to help me but also was encouraging. To be honest, it's been a difficult to love others on my own. The last couple of days I've been very "me" focused and it's shown in various ways. But yesterday things started changing for the better again. Instead of putting my attention on myself and what's been going on there I realized that the best way to love others is to love God. The best way to love God is to know Him ever better. Like any relationship, to love them you have to get to know them better and the more you know them the more you love them.

Saying the Hardest Goodbye...

Today began with such joy and excitement. My best friend and his little boy came and picked me up early this morning. But by the time noon rolled around the final chapter on our friendship was closing. No one will probably ever understand what happened, I don't even think we do. All I know is that though I didn't want this to happen, it's what is best. Am I hurt? Yes. Disappointed? Most certainly. Angry? Not really, no, no I'm not angry. Just hurt, disappointed, and very very sad about it. He said he knows we'll see each other again and probably sooner than I expect. He asked if I believed him. I said no I didn't believe him, I didn't think we'd probably ever see each other again. I don't even know if I'll ever even get to talk to him. But he's probably right, we'll probably see one another again, sometime...

God is...

(The sky last October)

I just don't have words. I'm amazed and feel as if new life is being poured into me. It's easy to forget that God really does have everything under control. It's the difference between knowing God will take care of me and knowing God is taking care of me and will continue to take care of me.

The Love Project Taking It To Work: Unbelievable

Night was probably the best night I've had at work to date! Having this new attitude and mindset is at least changing me. Like I mentioned in the previous post, there are two people in particular that I normally don't enjoy being around. They're not bad people, just very different than me and it's just a challenge to work with them. Tonight I was working alongside one of the two nearly the whole time. Did I mention that tonight was one of the best nights at work yet?

The Love Project Taking It To Work

"The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you love someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less." -C.S. Lewis

I have to admit I'm not too excited about this... There are two people in particular that are a challenge to be around. Both of whom are supposed to be at work tonight. However, as much as it's easy to love people who already love us, it is important, perhaps far more important to show love and to honestly love the people that don't love us. Didn't Jesus say to love our enemies and to love those who hate us? These two may not hate me or be my enemy, but we're not friends either. There is tension between us and it's far more stressful to work with them then anyone else.

The Love Project Already Making A Difference

"If I don't love people then who will? And if I don't love them, how will they know that Christ loves them?" -C.R.J.

Yesterday I said I was going to try a new experiment and I wasn't expecting to see it make a difference already. This is the story of my best friend.

The Love Project

 "I don't know that the Lord ever spoke of success. He spoke only of faithfulness in love. This is the only success that really counts." -Mother Teresa

I have never been so inspired as I am right now. I'm going to start learning how to love better and I know that sounds funny. Just stick with me here! You may or may not be familiar with the book, The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman, I ordered the version for singles sometime ago and it just arrived. (If you haven't figured out I've been gobbling down books lately!) Being eager to learn something new and better yet, to express my love for others more clearly, the book was read from cover-to-cover tonight.

Not Gonna Lie

But I messed up this last Friday. I'm not as strong as I thought I was or am. I make mistakes, I sin. I struggle with so much stuff, just like everyone else does. The really sad part is having that nudge within me telling me that Friday's plans were not a good idea and that I shouldn't go. Instead of changing the plans, instead of not going- I went thinking that I was strong enough to keep things from going that direction. I do that far too often, ignoring the voice within me and trying to rely on my own strength. When am I ever going to learn?

New Discovery!

(Hello! It's me!)

 Coming home from work one of the first things I want to do is get out of those clothes! As soon as my work clothes come off I feel just so much better. I wash my feet, brush my hair and slip into my favorite hoodie and shorts. Pretty simple right? I open my bedroom window open and allow the summer night's breeze to come in and freshen things up. The sky is the most beautiful color of blue and stars are popping out. Another day has passed and while it was good, I realized something profound.

There is Hope for Me Yet

(source?)

 This last month and a half my life has been well, crazy. My job, while I love my co-workers, bosses and yes, even the "guests" (they're customers ok?), my job itself is difficult. So difficult that sometimes I just want to walk out right then and there and have to fight within myself to stay. Between being there and knowing I have to go there has been a source of unidentified stress for some time. There are days of course, when things aren't so bad. But this past Saturday and Sunday I literally had to leave the store premise for one of my breaks in order not to quit. I'm sure many people have been there. Still there is hope.

Theology of The Body: Part II

Last night while in the break room the TV was on, playing an very old show. One of my co-workers relayed to me a brief synopsis of one of the episodes from that series. She told me how one of the sisters on the show ended an argument with her brother by saying, "I'm going to finish baking my cake." My friend then exclaimed, clearly disgusted, "Gender roles!"

I Still Can't Believe It

Everything today has been pretty mellow. I slept in, chilled around the house, did laundry, talked on the phone, all around did nothing too exciting. Matter of fact I was in a good mood, enjoying the day and the opportunity to relax. My friend Crystal and I headed into work together and that's when everything changed.

Returning to High School

Having graduated from high school some time ago, it was odd returning for one of my younger brother's graduation. Driving over to the stadium where the event is held I was struck by the conversations my family was having. I came to see how funny and cold my family is.

One of the things my best friend had brought up to me is that I tend to put people down and most of the time in an almost unnoticeable way that came off humorous. I realized that he was right. I want to build people up and it had become a horrible habit in me this tearing down others, even subtly. Even worse was the realization that my whole family partakes in this habit, and that includes me.

Community Part I

In a society that lives on Facebook, Twitter, chats, emails, text messaging, and Skyping we still are very much a separated group of people. We like our privacy, which is such a contradiction considering what kind of pictures people will upload. But that's just it. We keep people at a distance when it comes to meaningful topics and issues, to depth. I don't know where you live, but here in the States, most people (especially us city folks) don't know their own neighbors. On that note, most people move so much that people rarely stay in the same location for more than a couple years. But I know how good and important community is.

During my college years I had a group of close friends of about four other girls. We often came together for more than homework, studying and having fun. We would stay up until the early hours of the morning opening up to each other about our personal struggles, victories, successes, failures, hope, aspirations and fears. We talked about God, politics, our culture and responsibilities, we talked about boys, what it meant to live a Christian life and everything in between. Coming back home from graduation, I came to discover that my friends in college are rare indeed.

(Gingerbread cookie faces of Justina, Robin, Bree and Janelle, made by yours truly)

Little Experiment!

On my bathroom counter is a large number of various products: facial products, hair products, teeth cleaning stuff and lots of make up! I honestly considered becoming a make up artist for quite some time. Underneath the counter is another makeup bag (or two) filled with eye shadows, lipsticks, lip glosses, blushes, concealers, and serums. I spend at least an hour a day getting ready in front of the bathroom mirror doing my hair and make up.

There is nothing wrong with taking care of and grooming one's self. I believe that making myself look my best is actually good! But I also have to admit I things are out of order for me. Focusing on how one looks is all well and good, but when it goes into nitpicking about this and that it probably isn't the best.

New Perspective: What I Listen To

I love me some Pandora. I mean being able to create your own radio stations with minimal commercials, what's not to love?

But then I started to actually listen to what the songs were saying.

A Better Thought

"I don't want to make money. I just want to be wonderful." -Marilyn Monroe

Theology of the Body Part I

I just started listening to a series called "Into the Heart" by Christopher West. It's all about the Theology of the Body, understanding why we are made as we are and what that reveals. And it makes sense. We are made to give of ourselves, to be unified and those things are there because we are made in the image and likeness of God. Yes, I'm a Christian (big surprise right?). The idea of being made with purpose and design is nothing new to me, in fact it's something that I have always "got." But now it has a deeper perspective. There are certain things that we have built right into us that are like thumbprints of God.

This Month's Theme: Trusting

I don't know about you but with each season of my life, be it a month long or years, are themes. Last month the focus seemed to be on growing my faith. I was pushed and challenged in all new ways for me. I was put to the test at times and struggled to hold on to my faith, and let me tell you, it felt that I was holding on for dear life.

This month has been different. Take last night for example: